Unsolicited Pictures by DM

At some point in my life, I decided to write some dirty romance books. I spent my days, dreaming of muscular men; some with tattoos, some with long hair, some in uniform…some out of uniform. My mind would create scenes of passion, love, and companionship; the ultimate Happily Ever After.

As time passed, interest in not only my books, but my personal life started to grow. I’d have several new friend request on my personal Facebook page every morning. For the first few months, I tried to redirect them to my author page, sending them a link and asking politely that they like that one instead. After awhile, the requests started coming in as I made my way into the book world and as an author. I’d made friends with other authors and then their friends and fans started sending me requests. I found more new people at book signings during events and made a host of new fans/friends there.

In the beginning, I would accept most friend requests, unless the person had no history on their page and the account looked brand new. It goes without saying that 99.999999% of those accounts are spam or worse.

Well, as a lot of you can agree, some of those people get through. It happens. And then…then here come the love letters from foreign lands, the instantly-get-down-to-business types who ask for money or for you to set up some account for them to transfer my great-great uncle’s billions of dollars that is supposedly rightfully mine. Okay, whatever!

Then one bright, sunny day when you are least expecting it…you get the picture. The unsolicited dick pick from hell.

At first, you’re shocked…then angered…..then thoroughly disgusted!

Here’s where my life lesson on unsolicited dick pics begins:

My first question to a male with an itchy trigger between his legs (Not calling this thing a “Man” because a “Man” wouldn’t be slinging his nasty penis all over the internet to unsuspecting women) would be ….”Why in the ever-loving hell would you think sending a picture of your dick would make a woman jump up from her computer and scream “Halleluiah! I got a dick pic and now I’ve found the man of my dreams!”

Seriously?

No…Seriously?

Let’s say for a moment, that the woman did actually jump up from her seat with that exact excitement. How in the hell would you two do it? Other than Skype sex? Which, yes…it’s the ultimate safe sex practice, but please! There is no way that you two will be able to “hook up” unless you live in the same area. Or, if you lived far away, that would be a long ass haul for a booty call.

Then we get into the fact that “Itchy Trigger” is doing it because he gets off on getting a negative reaction out of the strange women he sends his dick pic to while sitting at his computer, naked in his mom’s basement.

Now look….I’m all about kink and discovering yourself, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere. At what point does your need for weird satisfaction turn into a cry for help?

Are you seriously thinking that sending a picture of your dick is going to find you a wife?

Are you that desperate that internet sex is all you can find?

Are you that sick that you get your jollies off on sending that pic to strange women?

Is this the new “flasher” of our time? (Like…dude!  Where’s your raincoat?)

Is that even your dick in the picture?

Did you steal it off of PornHub?

And why in the hell do they call them “Unsolicited Dick Pics” anyway? I mean, I would never contact a male model and say, “Hey man! Send me a dick pic?” I shouldn’t even have to explain how that would go over.

I have so many pressing questions for these “Itchy Triggers” that I’m very curious as to why in the ever-loving fuck would you think this is okay? Then again, I don’t want to know…I just don’t think I could hold a grown-up conversation with him if my life depended on it.

There are so many questions and so few answers as to why guys get off on this shit.

I guess I’m back to where I began…

Theresa Hissong